Blown Weekly [Metro]

I am so tired of metrosexuals. That shit is not real. Thats just an excuse for bitchmade dudes to go and get pretty (like theyve always dreamed). Dude, you are not Usher--and even when Usher does it, its not cool. I dont dig that metrosexual look, so maybe Im just being biased. I mean, aint nothing wrong with a guy wanting to look nice; its a problem when you get your hair and nails done more than the kid. When I touch a man, I dont want to feel like Im touching myself--soft skin nourished with Lavender oils, and neatly buffed nails and cuticles dipped in pineapple cuticle cream. No thank you. It took Jigga to tell these fools to "throw on a suit and get it tapered up" in order for them to finally stop wearing team paraphernalia. But for real, its going too damn far. It really shows when a guy tries too hard. That metrosexual look looks like a guy is trying to be sexy, when it should naturally come out. I think a man is sexiest in sweatpants and a clean t-shirt (yum....) oh and white socks (something bout them white socks....) But oh no, not Mr. Metro. Rocking this damn button-up, blazer, Kenneth Cole pointy toes, man-purse, hella jewelry, and them damn sunglasses. Im tired of seeing these dudes with the Jeezy darkboys on in the club/on campus/in the mall. The Jeezy darkboys blow me. Ryan Seacrest is the posterboy for metrosexuals. Anyway...

Confessions of a Shopaholic

So, I think Im officially a shopaholic. I mean, like for real this time. Not quite like Hillary from Fresh Prince, but uh, almost. I have been contemplating getting (another) side hustle simply to support my shopping habit, ahem, I mean, my AmEx bill. I have always been into fashion, but you know, just as a window shopper. Like "ooooh, thats perty..." But now that I can actually (kinda) afford the things I want, I am not coy about purchasing.
So, Im sitting up here thinking, "damn, I want these Adidas P.E. 2's so bad", and theyre $70 (relatively an OK price), but since yours truly is truly cheap (frugally luxe, but the operative word is frugal) I am not willing to pay that much. Anyone who knows me knows that I will find what I want for the price that I want.

So, I scour the internet (anyone who knows me knows I can find anything, and anyone on the internet...celebs too, heh) and I finally find them at Nordstrom.com, but still, $69.99 (a penny cheaper, oooh yea). But here's the aha moment: thanks to abundant AmEx spending, I have an abundant amount of AmEx rewards points, which can get me a $50 Nordstrom gift card, which will allow the kid to pay only $20 for shoes I absolutely adore Now, the fact that I was able to do all this and strategically think about how I can come up on these shoes proves that I am an shopaholic, and for that, I am ashamed.

So, while Im making confessions, I might as well lay it all out on the table:
I go online and "window shop" every night. I am addicted to this crack that we call SuperTarget (ok ok, and regular Target too....and Target Greatland). I go to Super Wal-Mart about three times a week. When I get my money from thee dreaded ex, I will spend it on these Gucci glasses that are to die for. I buy alot of sh*t off eBay (like, a whole lot). I know where the secret clearance section is in every major store in Dekalb. Well, enough of this....off to Sephora.com

Weekend [Suite Edition]

After this joyous weekend of being with myself (and loving every minute), I also felt so inclined to be with someone else.
To just
be
with
someone
else.
Traveling through thoughts of what a weekend could should ought to be.
frittata hash browns vanilla chamomile tea dolloped with milk
shower & shave cleanse & bathe serene clean
his arms my head nestled in the crevices of
the comfort of a man
legs curved intertwined amongst pillows and throws touching toes
listening with lips talking with eyes touching with words
quietly nap breath on my back and neck
awaken to sound Najee Coltrane for Lovers
awaken to nourishment Chinese take-out feeding with hands
simple pleasures winding down massaging speaking with hands
choc o lat draped skin hips chest tongue and cheek
night glow fingers through hair set free
how beautiful
only a matter of time

Know These Things: Shouldn't You

Before I indulge myself in a lovely weekend of shopping and Sex & the City, I must blog:
When I was younger, I would always hear older women say that a man doesn't know who he is until he knows what kind of woman he wants. And in the movie The Brothers, Jackson's mother says the same exact thing. This is very true ladies. I swear it is.
Jackson was on an endless path of nothingness when it came to love because he could not fully understand himself and his issues with commitment. Thus, until he truly realized what he was looking for on a greater scale (and in relationships on the whole) he was a failure at all previous relationship endeavors.

Ok, so what had happened was...in a conversation with one of my male counterparts, he revealed to me that deep down, he wishes that he had someone there for him. He yearns for a woman that can be strong when he is weak, provide him with reassurance, and support all of his goals/dreams. He wants a hug at the end of the day. More specifcally, he wants companionship.

Weeks later, in a conversation with the same male counterpart, he told me that he is "not interested in having a relationship" because of this, that, and the third. He also runs down a few qualities that he deems necessary in a chick--which were mainly superficial. So, immediately, I am forced to refer to that conversation we had previously. But, I didnt bother to mention it--mainly because I concluded that this man has no idea of what the hell he wants. Situation seemed kinda ill.

But then I remember the words of my mother...other mothers...Jackson's mother. Until he becomes grounded and has knowledge of what qualities are important to him, and to a relationship that suits his needs, he has no idea who he is. Identity is not present. He cannot be ID'd because he cannot ID what kind of woman he wants to be his Queen. What kind of woman will grasp his magnetism.

Ever notice how when you ask most men what they look for in a woman, they usually kick you a list of physical qualities, and then throw in something like "she gotta have her head on straight"? But ask any (sane) woman and she will kick you a couple physical qualities (usually those are not etched in stone) and a shitload of character qualities. Superficial and petty things are not key to a successful relationship, sorry guys.
Learning of what intrigues them about the opposite sex (or same sex, however ones gets down) helps men to learn themselves spiritually, emotionally, and romantically.

Unfortunately, I found out long ago, that unlike women, who learn personal pleasures/joys/dislikes/distastes from past relationships, men dont really learn much about themselves from past relationships; there is usually not much easily indentifiable personal growth from a past relationship when it comes to men. With women, we learn "the lesson" rather quickly; we are the ones who say "being with him showed me that I can blah blah blah". While men take years and years to realize what the hell actually went down, then its like "she showed me the real meaning of blah blah blah".

When a man finally discovers what kind of woman needs, that man will unravel on so many levels. Watch him open up emotionally, watch his state of mind change.

So, I guess we need to be patient ladies. Most of us twentysomething womanistas have returned from our journeys of self-discovery (kudos to lots of Iyanla Vanzant scripts and Jill Scott CDs), so let these men do it their way.

Spiritually Anorexic

I had the opportunity to semi-attend a wonderful event with speaker Debrena Johnson Gandy. This woman is great. Anyway, she touched on some serious issues such as spiritual cleansing, and spiritual well-being. Gandy made a startling statement that "2006 America is spiritually anorexic". America, on the whole, does not foster nor encourage upkeeping of the spirit.

Now, I have, for the most part, been very spiritually aware, but after listening to Gandy speak for an hour (I had to bounce early to watch Girlfriends, and so what?!) I learned that I was indeed guilty of not completely taking care of my spirit.

The main point I gathered from Gandy was the importance of subtraction; subtracting all these extras that are not neccessary, or that do not bring joy, clear air, happiness, and sheer comfort. We know whats good for the body and we feed it that; vitamins, good ole green veggies, no trans fat, hell, I cant say the last time I bought cane sugar because I steal so much Splenda from Starbucks. But the problem is that we dont know what to do to nurture the spirit. And that is what I plan to keep working on. I know a few ways to do this, but there are so many other ways Gandy has opened my mind to, and that my friend, is my new quest.

I Cram to Understand You

When I first caught wind of that MC Lyte joint, I never really quite understood what she meant. But now, I can totally feel that--I literally have to cram to understand people.
The reaping and sowing process is an easy one to understand. Alrighty, so.....why do folks keep sowing and expect to not reap the raft? I mean, we have all done our dirt (mine, kinda minor) but you cannot keep up certain behavior patterns and not expect for that sh*t to follow you and affect your life.

You heard granny when she told you that you "made ur bed, now lay in it". One time incidents can be forgiven and sometimes surpassed over time, but recurring incidents/behavior is not going to simply slide.

You cannot keep shitting around @ work and expect to get a raise.

You cannot get @ several dudes that roll in the same circles and expect for that to go unspoken, or for them to respect you.

You cannot keep cheating on ur girl and expect her to stay with yo bum @ss.
You cannot keep telling this man that its his baby when its really not, and expect to live happily ever after.
Amongst others, it is these people who I cram to understand....
-----------------------------------------
Why does it take for the relationship have to be over in order for a man to realize what he lost??? In the midst of doing this blog, I get a phone call from thee dreaded ex and he asks a series of questions and wants to know "am I still talking to..."

Dun, son, Imma need for you to fall back OK.

The Difference: From experience, I know that women know in the beginning what kind of man they have. If we got us a good man, we know it (and dont need validation from anyone). We are going to do whatever is in our power to keep that good man, and that even means tolerating some minor (and sometimes major) bullsh*t.

Why does it take for us to break up completely, I mean completely, for them to see us whole? So who was he seeing when we were together? Because, I'm the same person I was back then.
You appreciate me more than ever now that I have sought out real love from somewhere else. Unreal.
The Difference: Men are thinking; thinking about how much they f'd up and suddenly realizing what that woman had to offer. Women are thinking; thinking about how she is so glad she left his trifling, stifling @ss and how there isnt a chance in hell for rekindling.

Now, I cram to understand that sh*t.

The Gifts

At least once a week I make startling revelations. I even shock myself. Recently, I have been noticing that I have a whole lot to offer. I mean, I already knew, but to see myself (my thoughts, productivity, rationalism, brilliance, communication styles, compromising styles, goals, etc.) in action is a beautiful thing. This is in no way a tootage of my own horn, I am just really, really appreciating me for being me right now.

Soiree at my house in about 18 hours, and I am just now finally having a seat from slaving over a hot stove. Ginger Thai Ribs. Wings spiced with Serrano, Poblano, and Jalapeno puree. Chicken Salad in a Hawaiian Bread Bowl. Penne Rigate Salad with a Sun-Dried Tomato and Basil Pesto Sauce. For a crowd of ladies that I hope will enjoy every single bite. Not that I mind cheffing around; I love to feed. God had blessed these hands, heart, and mind with culinary know-how.

Which brings me to my point.

I feel like I have so much to offer, but I am not being given the opportunity to share myself. I am beginning to wonder if these gifts will be become useful in the output of a successful marriage and children, or will these gifts go to waste and become indirectly obselete?
I appreciate my kind of woman, because I am a rare breed and I know that. But, it seems to me that in order to get male/female relations/relationships to fly, something has to be wrong with me, or with him, or with us as a couple period. I can get shit to launch, but I cant get it to soar.

Crazy people dont have a problem mating up. Its us sane people that are experiencing that romantic drought. Don't get me wrong--I meet men, and I get at a few people, but I am lacking expression. I dont need to be in a relationship to do that; just someone who I enjoy the company of. My Aunt Frances always told me that if you want a man to be all yours, you have to show him why he should be. I just dont think those opportunities arise for me.
I wanna share my gifts; wrap them up and make them pretty. I dont want my gifts to go to waste like day-old bread.