Biggest Loser

So, I had this spiff with somebody about how sometimes a person aint their type's type. Of course, in the argument, I was deemed wrong, and most importantly out of order. My argument stemmed from the fact that although I loves me a fat dude, fat dudes dont neccessarily love the kid.
I can count on one hand how many hefty dudes I've gotten with, and more specifically, how many have liked me. But in a heartbeat, its that bean thread, pole-sized, apple-on-a-stick dude that falls madly in love with this girthesque figure. Now dont get me wrong - aint nothing wrong with a slender brother loving a voluptuous woman such as myself, but like, ok, when are the fat dudes gonna start showing me some love? Realistically, maybe like five guys a week try to get at me. And out of that five, there are no fat daddies. I can't tell you the last time a Rick Ross tried to get him some me. The bony chick will get my fat daddy faster than me on any given day. These skinny bitches are evil, and they are taking my men. Im just playing...well, not really.

I feel like out of all the different types of people, big girls have it the hardest. A not-so-attractive chick can get some weave, lipglass, and French tip, and somebody will be illusioned into thinking she's a catch. For us, its different. We can't completely disguise the fact that were meaty. And on top of that, not too many guys will actually admit that they like a woman with more to love, or its always some shit like, you're cute for a fat girl...

Like most women, I am insecure about my body, but not to the point where I blame my figure for everything that goes wrong in my love life. Like, its because Im fat, isnt it?? But this here is a truism. I can speak from experience because, HELLO, I am a fellow fatty. A gorgeous one, nonetheless. I think its kinda funny that the big dudes dont date me. How can you discriminate? Youre big. I once heard that bigger guys like smaller women because she/he/they can do much more sexually. My thought is, what makes you so sure? I know some full-figured women that will make it bankhead for a pimp. But thats a different blog for a different day.

If the Fabolouses of the world could just gain 100 pounds...

Flightplan

A day of reckoning at its finest...

Yesterday, I got hit with some real self-reflection shit, and it was so true. I checked myself, as I often do, because I needed to be checked. I realized that, in most things in life, I am flighty. Not flighty in a way that one might think (as in I'm not in it for the long haul or I am buzzing from flower to flower with no consistency), I mean flighty, like, whenever someone does something to me, or in reference to me, that I dont neccessarily approve of, I bounce. In my original thought process, I always felt like that was what I was supposed to do. I mean, it makes sense to me, still. But I realized that, damn, maybe that aint right. Something can make perfect sense and still not be right.

I had a homegirl who was a bogus liar, and she let her competitive and sneaky ways ruin our friendship. In retrospect (hindsight is golden, isnt it?), I feel like I didnt handle that situation right. See, this is what I do: I confront the person about the issue, then I say my piece, listen for a response, and if its not the appropriate response that I want to hear, then I'm out. So thats what I did with her, and although I loved her dearly as a sister, I took flight before there could be a mending.

More currently, concerning matters of the heart, I am compelled to take flight any time the predicament isnt going the way I think it should. I'm a fighter, and I know that love of any kind aint perfect. In a minute, I will fight for love until it wears me out. But in the midst of that fight, I leave...and probably leave again. True story: Someone that I care dearly for has not given me the time of day to discuss plans that we were to carry out in a matter of days. We had scheduled some time together, and yet, we have not spoken about anything of the nature. I have asked, and asked, and asked and I get nothing. So naturally, Im going to want to bail on this dude, once again. In my head, it all makes sense - I can spend my time spooning and caking and doing whatever with whomever, but I am making a slot in my time specifically for you, and you are being an asshole. My brain says that because I am not getting the desired response in a manner that I prefer, I must go. And if I dont hear from son soon, I'm certain that even after yesterday's epiphany, I will still take flight...

The first step is acknowledging...and I am not quite ready to proceed with a second step...

For me, to remove oneself from a situation has always been the instant and immediate thing to do, but truth is, I wind up regretting my decision to do that, and end up apologizing for it (or wishing I could). But anyway, I dont need kudos or nothing, I just thought that I would share something I learned whilst re-tracing my path to self-discovery.