I've managed to take a minute to separate myself from my usual indulgences: designer shoes, TiVo, food...and precious little infants. Yes, I have gone bonkers over babies. I'll admit it - I have baby fever. Rubber baby buggy bumpers. I never could do that thing. Anyway, I think I've been watching entirely too much TLC's A Baby Story...
Anywho, I had a strange turn of events happen over the course of a few days. A guy that I've known for quite sometime has recently been trying to come back into my life, particularly as my gentleman caller (LOL). Its weird because, he's genuinely feeling me. And I've known this for quite sometime. And although there are mutual feelings of interest, he just doesnt have that umph. I like him, but like, thats it. I've never really experienced anything like this before. It feels like I should really like him alot, but I just don't. Like there is some sort of magnetic force that is pulling my interest in conflicting directions. My mama says that when somebody aint got that umph, they just aint got it, and more than likely, in your eyes, they never will. Im not certain, but I have a nudge that the umph rests in the truth that we don't have alot in common. If commonality was a percentage, we'd be at, like, 10%.
We're about as different as a Mormon and a whoremonger.
He cringes at the thought of going to a bookstore to read and sip Chai. He has absolutely no idea who George Benson is. He laughs at the fact that I tape reruns of Living Single (yes mofo, while people are paying $50 for boxsets, I will be watching for free).
Me and my homegirls were discussing attending an art exhibit for a high school friend of ours, and in reference to her boyfriend, my homegirl says, I need to invite him to something like this so that he can know that this is what I like to do. And that made me think of the importance of compatibility.
Granted, during and after my last relationship, I went through some sh*t that made me realize what I like, and certainly what I do not like. Some things are a given (i.e. communication, sincerity, effort, etc.), but other components such as personal interests are no less important. I used to think that as long as we embraced and accepted one another's interests and lifestyle, then it would be easy to be involved with someone thats different from you. Well, thats wrong.
I know that I am a weirdo, and I'm cool with that. But, the key is forming a romantically cohesive relation with another f*cking weirdo, such as myself. How important is it that we share similar tastes in music? How important is it that we share a love for literature? Art? Movies? Lifestyle? Or even style of dress? Actually, the question is more like, how important should it be? Really important, kinda important, or not important at all? I don't see it possible for me to be involved with someone that sees shopping at Nordstrom Rack as 'rich folk' activity, or feels like Three Six Mafia deserves that Oscar. Or maybe I'm putting too much emphasis on the matter.
All bullshit aside, I feel like I won't settle for less than S.A.R.A.H. I dont want to settle for 'good enough'. Im waiting on that authenticity that comes with nothing other then real compatibility, real connection, and real attraction. That umph. S.A.R.A.H. will have that umph. Until I meet him...
Friday, March 30, 2007
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
Standby
Everybody has a trusty standby. Someone that, you know, no matter what happens in life, you can always retreat to this person. You can have a baby by his brother, marry his best friend, but then like clockwork, you two will end up connected again. Not necessarily because you love each other, but just because, well, thats the way it has always been. When you're really missing the one you love, when you just got out of a bad breakup, or when you gained 30 lbs., you can always get at old faithful. No problem.
So, my old faithful? Lets call him Pusha T. I have known Pusha T for about 10 years now, and he has never stopped pursuing me. We can go a year or more without speaking, and somehow he never misses a beat. Granted, Pusha is attractive, smart, family-oriented, and many other things I desire but Pusha and I just dont have that it. I think somewhere in the beginning when I learned of Pusha's street involvement, I immediately put him in box and aint never really allowed myself to see beyond that box.
Pusha has alot of wrongness going on in his life. Im not God and I try not to judge, but I think its pretty safe to say that a 27 year-old man, should not be gangbanging. Pusha, why you still hanging out with Jimbo and Ray Ray? He say they don't 'gangbang', but listen, I aint stupid. Im from 47th near King Drive, and if anybody knows where that is, then you have to know that my ghetto pass is still active. I know he aint doing drivebys (hmm...maybe), or walking up to people like in the 90s asking "what set you claim??", but you're hanging with the same crowd and doing the same shit as if was 1997, and you haven't evolved as a person. Smoking weed and dranking in Anton and them basement. On some Menace II Society, and beating up chicks baby daddies cause they aint claiming their kid. Riding around with Boogie, when you know he keep a strap in the car. Its played out to be this irresponsible.
Obviously, Im calling him Pusha for a reason. To make matters worse, Pusha is a narcotic specialist. Not that he has never had a legit thing going, but for him, working the the block prevails. He tried to convince me that he sells cigarettes, like my name is Dumbo, or George Bush. And if he is selling cigarettes, my argument stands even stronger. You're a grown man and your main hustle is selling cigarettes?
I always said that if he decides to change, then maybe I would see him in a different light, and perhaps things between he and I could be different. And so he calls. Telling me that he might be getting a job with the transit authority and that he actually wants to start school again. He wants to change because he is not comfortable with where his money comes from. Oh really? Thats interesting. Great news. Pusha wants to take me out on Friday, maybe get some dinner or something. Really?? Havent done that in three years. Sure, lets do it. Now this story wouldnt have my signature flair on it if I didn't report that I never went on that date. So I guess, in a way, I was stood up...by my standby? Gross. Friday came and went. He forgot. What did he do? Hang out in the basement. Lots of red cups. Lots of Top paper. You know the rest.
So, my old faithful? Lets call him Pusha T. I have known Pusha T for about 10 years now, and he has never stopped pursuing me. We can go a year or more without speaking, and somehow he never misses a beat. Granted, Pusha is attractive, smart, family-oriented, and many other things I desire but Pusha and I just dont have that it. I think somewhere in the beginning when I learned of Pusha's street involvement, I immediately put him in box and aint never really allowed myself to see beyond that box.
Pusha has alot of wrongness going on in his life. Im not God and I try not to judge, but I think its pretty safe to say that a 27 year-old man, should not be gangbanging. Pusha, why you still hanging out with Jimbo and Ray Ray? He say they don't 'gangbang', but listen, I aint stupid. Im from 47th near King Drive, and if anybody knows where that is, then you have to know that my ghetto pass is still active. I know he aint doing drivebys (hmm...maybe), or walking up to people like in the 90s asking "what set you claim??", but you're hanging with the same crowd and doing the same shit as if was 1997, and you haven't evolved as a person. Smoking weed and dranking in Anton and them basement. On some Menace II Society, and beating up chicks baby daddies cause they aint claiming their kid. Riding around with Boogie, when you know he keep a strap in the car. Its played out to be this irresponsible.
Obviously, Im calling him Pusha for a reason. To make matters worse, Pusha is a narcotic specialist. Not that he has never had a legit thing going, but for him, working the the block prevails. He tried to convince me that he sells cigarettes, like my name is Dumbo, or George Bush. And if he is selling cigarettes, my argument stands even stronger. You're a grown man and your main hustle is selling cigarettes?
I always said that if he decides to change, then maybe I would see him in a different light, and perhaps things between he and I could be different. And so he calls. Telling me that he might be getting a job with the transit authority and that he actually wants to start school again. He wants to change because he is not comfortable with where his money comes from. Oh really? Thats interesting. Great news. Pusha wants to take me out on Friday, maybe get some dinner or something. Really?? Havent done that in three years. Sure, lets do it. Now this story wouldnt have my signature flair on it if I didn't report that I never went on that date. So I guess, in a way, I was stood up...by my standby? Gross. Friday came and went. He forgot. What did he do? Hang out in the basement. Lots of red cups. Lots of Top paper. You know the rest.
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