Know These Things: Shouldn't You

Before I indulge myself in a lovely weekend of shopping and Sex & the City, I must blog:
When I was younger, I would always hear older women say that a man doesn't know who he is until he knows what kind of woman he wants. And in the movie The Brothers, Jackson's mother says the same exact thing. This is very true ladies. I swear it is.
Jackson was on an endless path of nothingness when it came to love because he could not fully understand himself and his issues with commitment. Thus, until he truly realized what he was looking for on a greater scale (and in relationships on the whole) he was a failure at all previous relationship endeavors.

Ok, so what had happened was...in a conversation with one of my male counterparts, he revealed to me that deep down, he wishes that he had someone there for him. He yearns for a woman that can be strong when he is weak, provide him with reassurance, and support all of his goals/dreams. He wants a hug at the end of the day. More specifcally, he wants companionship.

Weeks later, in a conversation with the same male counterpart, he told me that he is "not interested in having a relationship" because of this, that, and the third. He also runs down a few qualities that he deems necessary in a chick--which were mainly superficial. So, immediately, I am forced to refer to that conversation we had previously. But, I didnt bother to mention it--mainly because I concluded that this man has no idea of what the hell he wants. Situation seemed kinda ill.

But then I remember the words of my mother...other mothers...Jackson's mother. Until he becomes grounded and has knowledge of what qualities are important to him, and to a relationship that suits his needs, he has no idea who he is. Identity is not present. He cannot be ID'd because he cannot ID what kind of woman he wants to be his Queen. What kind of woman will grasp his magnetism.

Ever notice how when you ask most men what they look for in a woman, they usually kick you a list of physical qualities, and then throw in something like "she gotta have her head on straight"? But ask any (sane) woman and she will kick you a couple physical qualities (usually those are not etched in stone) and a shitload of character qualities. Superficial and petty things are not key to a successful relationship, sorry guys.
Learning of what intrigues them about the opposite sex (or same sex, however ones gets down) helps men to learn themselves spiritually, emotionally, and romantically.

Unfortunately, I found out long ago, that unlike women, who learn personal pleasures/joys/dislikes/distastes from past relationships, men dont really learn much about themselves from past relationships; there is usually not much easily indentifiable personal growth from a past relationship when it comes to men. With women, we learn "the lesson" rather quickly; we are the ones who say "being with him showed me that I can blah blah blah". While men take years and years to realize what the hell actually went down, then its like "she showed me the real meaning of blah blah blah".

When a man finally discovers what kind of woman needs, that man will unravel on so many levels. Watch him open up emotionally, watch his state of mind change.

So, I guess we need to be patient ladies. Most of us twentysomething womanistas have returned from our journeys of self-discovery (kudos to lots of Iyanla Vanzant scripts and Jill Scott CDs), so let these men do it their way.