The Big Bang Theory: Fatboy...Come Here, Are You Ticklish?

Zounds!  For me, this is like, the discovery of the wheel.  According to this post from The Salon, heavier men are better lovers.  I've known this for quite sometime, apparently.  I've always had a favortism for portly men.  Plainly put, I loves me a fat dude.  Nice and girthy, pleasantly plump, buddha belly.  And I have no qualms about sharing that fact. People ask, "You mean, like, a football player build?".  Nope.  I like a retired football player build.  Not sloppy, not nasty, but a well-kempt sturdiness is very appreciated.  Yum yum, pretty darn sexy.   Me love you long time.  Owww.

en·am·ored

en·am·ored

–verb (used with object)
1. to fill or inflame with love: to be enamored of a certain lady; a brilliant woman with whom he became enamored.
tr.v. en·am·ored , en·am·or·ing , en·am·ors

To inspire with love; captivate: was enamored of the beautiful dancer; were enamored with the charming island.

------------------------------------------

 
I came across this word today and it reminded me of a former love. Life is funny that way. Memories flood. Conversations of the past. This word was once used to illustrate a former lover's feelings for me. I always felt the usage of the word was very strong; after many, many times of hearing it, I equated the strength of the word to the strength of his love. Funny...



His muse.
My muse.
Peas.
Carrots.
None of which hold meaning at this point in time.


Friendship turned to love turned to an indescribable, consuming, sentiment of defeat. We lost. I lost. He lost.


Decoy love. Fallacy. Untruth. Fabrication.


It is easy to forget what was said. Some things, I will never forget. I will never forget the declaration to love endlessly. I will never forget the promise to always be honest and fair no matter the circumstance. I will never forget the promise to be in each other lives forever. I will never forget that he said, one day, he would make an honest woman out of me. I will never forget the day he said he was impatient for the day to see me as a 'cute little old lady'.


I will never forget that he chose to not choose me. 

Un•en•am•ored.

Eat, Pray, Love...

I read the book Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert last year and I have to say that it might've changed my life a little. I read this book at a time where I was seeking guidance in multiple areas of life (and, I still am lol), and I felt like the author's journey was easily indentifiable. Despite some of the mumbo jumbo and spiritual jargon, I found the book quite enlightening. I am pleased to find out they are making a movie for it...starring Julia Roberts. Whoa.

Put A Ring On It: Engagement Chicken

The best way to a man's heart is through his stomach...especially if you force-feed him roasted chicken. So, I came across this article on Yahoo! Shine (originally published by Marie Claire), about a girl who used the recipe for "Engagement Chicken", and her beau proposed within a week. Now, if you put your foot in every dang meal, then you don't really need this recipe...but then again, I've made several meals for a guy and I am not engaged, so, go figure. At any rate, this chicken is supposed to make a man want to get down on one knee and become betrothed.

Is this a one shot deal? One good piece of chicken and he's ready to pop the question? Or is this binding, like, you have to keep stuffing birds in the oven long after the honeymoon is over? Can one add a side dish to this spellbinding chicken? What about about some herbs and spices? Hot sauce?? I'm just curious. If one tantalizing, prepared piece of poultry makes a man wanna get married, then, I should've been married long, long ago...to many, many people. And, I already make a bomb roast chicken. Anywho, for all you go-getters, recipe here. I think this is how Ina Garten got Jeffery...hmmm...

MissDiagnosed

Came across a very interesting article on Your Tango...I believe I know a woman who falls into each category, no lie. I, myself, possess some traits from some of the types listed below...whomp, whomp, whomp.

---------------------------------------------------------------

It's easy to lose yourself over a man, but what if it happens before you even meet him? Ill-fated past relationships may have already warped your dating personality and consequently sabotaged your future with someone else. Read: Why He Dumped You: 5 Potential Reasons. In her latest book, Ms. Typed: Discover Your True Dating Personality and Rewrite Your Romantic Future, Dr. Michelle Callahan says she has the cure for women whose dating characteristics no longer accurately reflect who they truly are. The seasoned psychologist has formulated 10 dating archetypes that women fall into after too many relationships gone wrong:

1. Ms. Second Place: The accommodating, eager-to-please dater who eventually ends up playing second fiddle to her man's career, hobbies or even wife. This chronic "settler" has lost sight of her self-worth after too many relationships in which she gives way to his needs every time. As a result, she suffers from low confidence and low expectations.
   How she might have got here: "Men you've dated may have tried to convince you that you should go along with whatever they wanted, otherwise they wouldn't date you." Read: The Settling Debate
   


2. Ms. Sex Machine: This woman is Sex and The City's Samantha Jones in a nutshell. She uses sex for fun, for control, for everything except a healthy relationship. She brings in the physical before she is ready for the emotional and ends up attracting the type of men who will only treat her like a booty call.
   How she might have got here: "You and your friends' earliest dating experiences with boys were sexual. And you grew to expect that sex would be an early and required part of all dating relationships."
   


3. Ms. Soul Mate: She is the idealist after watching peers getting hitched before her. Ms. Soul Mate dates as if every man could be "the one," and is so determined to settle down, she insists on commitment too soon. After a failed relationship, she is often struck with dread that an ex might have been "the one."
   How she might have got here: "You grew up fantasizing about the day when you would be able to start your own family. Then you could get the love and affection you may have missed as a child, or you could finally be the most important person in someone's life."
   


4. Ms. Drama Queen: This woman loves a challenge, a competition and a dramatic fallout. She dates the wrong types of men because she gets a high out of the hard times. Ms. Drama Queen is one who doesn't mind going after a friend's man just to see if she can do it. Afterwards, she feels embarrassed for having been "that woman," however. Read: Diary Of A 23-Year-Old Mistress
   How she might have got here: "Some of the young men you dated were quick to argue or get physical, and instead of turning you off, it turned you on."
   


5. Ms. Bag Lady: An emotional rollercoaster, Ms. Bag Lady hasn't sorted out her own personal issues before dumping it all on the new relationship. Her poor relationships in the past lead her to overreact to problems in the new one. She often feels depressed, unable to trust and unable to move on.
   How she might have got here: "The men you've dated have been abusive or neglectful."
   


6. Ms. Mom: She takes over her man's goals as if they were her own, becoming his life coach, psychologist and mother all in one. She gives her all trying to improve him, but eventually neglects her own needs. Ms. Mom gets depleted emotionally and sometimes financially after her "project" has flown the coop. Answer: Is it alright to be possessive and controlling if we want it to be that way?
   How she might have got here: "You were Ms. Mom around your house growing up, being told (or offering) to do things for men in your house (father, brothers, or another needy family member)."
   


7. Ms. Anaconda: A dater who inadvertently suffocates the men she's involved with. Paranoid that he will leave her, Ms. Anaconda holds on too tight by checking up on a man too much, manipulating him and keeping him away from his friends. When he leaves, it just confirms her suspicions and dooms the next relationship.
   How she might have got here: "You trusted the men you dated to spend time apart from you, only to discover later that they were cheating on you."
   


8. Ms. Independent: After a particularly hurtful breakup, Ms. Independent builds an emotional fortress in order to prevent any more pain. Her now-cynical outlook causes her to miss the good qualities in men she dates. Even though she would like to start over, she can't seem to lower her guard enough to depend on anyone else but herself.
   How she might have got here: "The men you dated were afraid to be intimate, and their defensive behavior made you feel you should keep your distance"
   


9. Ms. Rose-Colored Glasses: Ever the optimist, this dater refuses to see a monster even if she's sleeping in bed with it. She ignores red flags, friend's advice, even her own senses when it comes to detecting trouble. As a result, she is susceptible to being taken advantage of and cheated on.
   How she might have got here: "You dated a man who became very angry and upset when you asked questions, and his reaction taught you to fear asking men for more information." Read: 12 Relationship Red Flags
   


10. Ms. Perfect: A woman who strives for perfection in every aspect of her life, right down to her man. Her standards are impossibly high and men get turned off by her judgmental attitude and meticulousness. She doesn't know how to relax, even on a date and comes off seeming cold.
    How she might have got here: "Your parents had very high standards, and you felt pressure to be successful and a high achiever, otherwise you would be criticized or punished."
    

Do any of the types above resonate with you? Callahan's 244-page guide includes specific advice on how to overcome each "Ms. Type." The book concludes with "The Ms. Typed Makeover Kit," a section designed to help one sketch out a game plan for a happier and healthier dating outlook. A few general tips:

1. Create a support team of close friends who can be there for you during a transitional time.


2. Create a vision for your dream life; it will prevent you from settling.


3. List what's holding you back from that dream life and assume those things are false.


4. Gain closure by venting all your burdens out on paper. You can destroy the papers later.

Love, Plain and Simple

Some people seem to think that love will solve all problems. Contrary to the old saying, love actually does not conquer all. Love is alot of things, but what it is not is a miracle maker. Love won't fix it. Love won't fix you. Its the action one puts into love that will resolve, heal, and flourish. Without trust, compromise, honesty, etc., love is a mere feeling, not an expression. Speaking love does not mean as much as showing love. Just my thought on this Saturday A.M.

Downbottom

eyes wide shut
living life loose
with
no shield, but several veils
upon her focals
unable to focus
unable to see
without blinders
damned blinders and clipped wings
she dims her own light
something happened to her
self-worth so low
so low
so downlow
inevitably stooped
to this
remnants of what was a woman

of solidarity
now a woman of disparity
a woman with no clarity
a reduction
of
self-love
lost

Somebody Already

I could never find words to say this but I see that somebody has already done it for me:

love forgives all things
after every argument
or should I should I say disagreement,
we make up
then backtrack to pick up
where we left off.
not necessarily starting anew,
just forgetting the wrong
that we both sometimes do.
being careful never again
to cross the line of no return,
the line where apologies fail
and are no longer able
to reach the sentimental chambers
of the heart
where love accepts
and speaks the words,
"I forgive you."
-Tawana Moore-Cedeno

Fat Meat

You better believe your mama when she tells you that fat meat is greasy. That shit is like ham hocks and butter, fried with lard, sauteed in olive oil, and marinated in Crisco. Situation is already thick. Situation is already slippery. Oozing. Dripping. Keep on lubricating and adding slickness and watch that situation slip right out of your hands.
People don't always understand what golden opportunities are standing before them. And when you neglect to acknowledge those opportune possibilities, the eventuality is that said possibilities will neglect to remain. Opportunity is not complacent. Opportunity is not permanent.
The reality is that people are people. Human. And sometimes they don't know what is happening when its happening. Sometimes they do know and either don't care, or have not thought about the repercussions of leaving opportunities astray. To not acknowledge or accept a golden opportunity is equivalent to rejection. Although there was no formal rejection, it reads, spells, and breathes the same. Its like someone handing you a gift, wrapped deliciously in diamonds and pearls, and although you're not pushing it away, you're not reaching out to grab it either.
Repeatedly, people tend to let their fears overrule their common sense. Fear is fear and will show its face over a repeated series of actions, yet, common sense is innate and, thus, trumps fear. Well, should trump fear. But it doesnt always. You know whats right, yet because you're fearful/scared/scarred/guarded/etc., you think irrationally and let those irrational thoughts fuck up your gold. You might not appreciate gold, but there are plenty of other people who do. Henceforth, that opportunity will be offered to another participant.
One of the biggest mistakes a person can make is allowing matters of the heart to go unattended. Your heart speaks for you; syntax and semantics are clearly representative. To negate matters of the heart and simply make them take a backseat to external issues will only amplify the matters once they do resurface. And they will resurface. Matters of the heart come first, and everything else will casually fall into place.
No judgements made here. No harsh words. And as a friend, I will never tell a person what they should do or should've done, unless they ask. But I will remember the words exchanged, and moments shared...and so will you. Whether they are looked at with praise, forlorning, regret, or disdain, those were your golden opportunities.

I Learned Alot of Sh*t Today - Ashton Kutcherisms + Sex)

I read something in a magazine that was f*cking phenomenal today:

"I could be with whoever gets my rocks off. Or I could be with this person who is giving and caring, who values me as I really am and who believes in me more than I believe in myself. There's the choice. You could fuck around like a man-ho. Or you could be about something real. I'd rather go for that something real." - Ashton Kutcher

Yes, Ashton f*cking Kutcher said that. This is that real sh*t. Real talk. I wouldn't settle for anything less. I, for one, was surprised that this actually was said by a man, and more preferably a male celebrity. This is what I feel everyday, and to actually read it in words, I was like "yes, Ashton, abso-f*ckin-lutely". Makes alot of sense to me. But some people would rather have a series of insignificants, than a lasting, fruitful union of the souls. I think many men are afraid of a good woman. What does one gain from said exploits? I dont see any real benefits. But thats another story for another blog...

I learned alot about sex today; not from having it, but reading about it. Just a gang of ish that I cannot and will not discuss on a blog, but will definitely carry into my boudoir...

I also had realization of what foreplay really is. Foreplay, if you really break this ish up into prefix and suffix and all that jazz, is the engaging and intertwining of partners prior to sexual acts. Thus foreplay is not limited to the literal acts that one performs that are directly related to sex (kissing, grinding, groping, etc.); foreplay can exist and be performed on so many levels. Going to dinner, having a deep conversation, sharing a laugh--all of that can be considered foreplay, as it is what engages and intertwines partners (in the same way the kissing and all that other shit does). That all happens "fore" the "play" and makes for a good sexual stimulus. A good conversation can lead to good sex. Sex is mental to begin with, so if youre cognitively engaged, there you have it.

Dang, I wish I had known this in the past.....