Let's Do Lunch: B. Smith

I have been a B. Smith lover since childhood. Something about this lady was just amazing to me. B. Smith is the Black Martha Stewart...not to throw shade on Martha (cause that's my girl, too) but B. is that deal. If ever I am in Sag Harbor, I will definitely stalk out her house, and invite myself over, lol. I have her books, and I loved her show, B. Smith with Style on TVOne. Although her show no longer airs, B. is still featured in Essence and other publications. B. reigns supreme as a spokesperson for Lawry's and Kraft Foods. B. also has her own Home & Living line at several retailers. She does everything from weddings, to crafts, to decor, to cooking, to (insert action verb here)..now THAT's a bad B.

See some of B.'s goodies @ Shopstyle.

Photos of B.'s NY Restaurant.

Gone Now

But in reality, he was the one that left me.

What I felt was so real. So real that it was surreal. Like I was breathing some of heaven's fresh air. Undeniably, I was invested. A wise woman once told me that you keep the man that wants you, not the man you want.
I waited, debated, anticipated, nursed, prayed, pushed, and shoved and I came out worse than I went in...yet, in some ways, much better. I gave second and third chances when in reality, neither was deserved. We ran our course, and thats that. Thanks for the memories. No need for anything more to be said. Lets not rehash what I already know. I was tired.
A tired woman, she don't have much patience after so long. Every little thing is crucial. Every interaction is a chance for things to go uphill, or sour. Nobody wants to deal with a stream of sour. Like some wrenching suction draining my enthusiasm and energy.
But what happens next is simply a move forward - regardless of the who, the why, and the what for. I don't owe anyone an explanation, and although circumstances are not perfection, this energy is ridiculous. I need that energy.
I am not the one who left; he was gone long ago. I just had the courage to abandon the empty seat beside me.

Jay Illa

Jay Illa is probably my favorite DJ in Chicago...not that others aren't great, its just that, quite frankly, Jay actually plays shit I wanna hear. Consecutively. He never has an "off" night, or a "blah" set. The best thing about Jay is that he never sells out to the crowd. He plays whatever he wants, which alot of DJs cannot attest to. Never, never, never in my experience have I ever seen Jay not rock a venue. And I'm not just saying that cause I know him. Jay is most definitely "Illa Than Most".

One Year Later

One.

Year.

Later.

Part of me still doesn't believe that Brittnii is gone, and least of all, I feel like its impossible that an entire year went by without her. I woke up at six something this morning, around the time of her passing last year, and I cried. She may have been here, I don't know. Under normal circumstances, I don't wake up at 6am.
We fought like aggravated pitbulls on a bad day, but on a good day, that was my roadie. No matter how much she pinched my nerve, I never left her without. I knew that she relied on me to deliver, and I always did.
Its funny now because, before, she used to try and make us proud. Make us feel good about her and her accomplishments. I now wonder if she looks on me and feel that I did her proud. One thing about Brittnii...she did her. Lived her life to the fullest. I know that I haven't, but I know that I should.
I realized this morning, that I can talk to her. And although she can't talk back, I can talk to her. Sometimes I don't have alot to say, but I know she is listening.
I promise I will do better.

A.D.I.D.A.S.

I don't know what happened. Its like the universe just decided that I should never get any....ever again in life. Maybe I am wearing a chastity belt that only others can see.

I have been going without for a very long time...longer than anyone would ever guess. But since I'm not thirsty, I dont go bending over backwards for every Tom, Dick, and Harry. So, I remain untampered with.

But what do I do when I want to be tampered with??? I just feel like sex is not in my reach. I'm not in a situation where I can just decide I want some, and then get it. Clearly, I have an issue on my hands.
And speaking of hands, thats the advice that my girlfriends give - when you aint got a man, you got a hand. Well, ladies...I dont go injecting my fingers into orifices other than my mouth when its feeding time, so that solution is a dead one. And of course, the rubber, jelly-filled robotic penis is not my forte'. A vibrator does not have hands, lips, and legs, and all that other stuff, like, you know, blood running through its veins, so it cannot satisfy me.
I'm just left feeling wanton for something that I cannot have. I feel like I'm turning into a man, because literally, all day, I am thinking about sex. I wake up thinking about it, and I go to sleep thinking about it. Not a single day passes when I dont think about doing the nasty. I'm not an intensely sexual person, so I dont know where this comes from...but the flames need to be put out, and not simply fanned.

Downbottom

eyes wide shut
living life loose
with
no shield, but several veils
upon her focals
unable to focus
unable to see
without blinders
damned blinders and clipped wings
she dims her own light
something happened to her
self-worth so low
so low
so downlow
inevitably stooped
to this
remnants of what was a woman

of solidarity
now a woman of disparity
a woman with no clarity
a reduction
of
self-love
lost

Porn Can Get You Merked

Not to make light of a serious situation, but this is why people really shouldn't hide stuff from their mate...this is really a message for you downlow dudes...
----------------------------
Porn led to slaying, prosecutors say
By Jason Meisner Tribune staff reporter
1:29 PM CDT, October 3, 2007 ....

A Chicago woman who became enraged after discovering her longtime boyfriend's stash of pornography shot and killed him in their South Side home over the weekend, prosecutors said.Jeanette Strowder, 58, is facing a first-degree murder charge in the Sunday shooting of Jesse Martin, 54, her boyfriend of about 15 years, police said.Strowder and Martin lived together in the 5300 block of South Shields Avenue for the last two years, prosecutors said during a Tuesday hearing where Strowder was ordered held on $600,000 bail. On Sunday night, she found CDs inside the home containing images of nude women and lost control, authorities said.

"The defendant confronted the victim, got a gun and shot him multiple times, including two to the head," said Andy Conklin, a spokesman for the Cook County state's attorney's office.Strowder also went to the garage and smashed the headlights of her boyfriend's motorcycle, smashed out the windows of his car, and scratched the nickname of one of the porn models in the photographs into the side of his car, prosecutors said.Strowder then called the victim's daughter and told her "something had happened to her father," Conklin said. The daughter called police.Officers found Strowder sitting in a chair in the front yard holding a .357-caliber revolver. As they approached, she put the gun to her head, pointed it at police and put it back to her head before dropping it to the ground, prosecutors said. The gun was recovered with six spent cartridges, authorities said.Strowder gave a videotaped confession, according to prosecutors. She has no prior criminal history. Criminal Court Judge Raymond Myles set an Oct. 22 court date for Strowder, Conklin said.
Copyright © 2007, Chicago Tribune