Patriarch

Anxiously I await for this man to come into my life. A strength like none other, and a force to be reckoned with. The male presence that epitomizes fatherhood, masculinity, and guidance. The King, the Pharaoh, the Ruler, the Patriarch.
The Bible says that God will restore unto you all things that were lost.




Its funny how things that happen in childhood dont necessarily affect you at the time of occurrence, but reap several afterthoughts, desires and emotions. My father's passing, of course, hurt me as it would any other 10 year-old child. I understood that he was ill, and thus he was to be in a better place. Painful like an anvil dropped on my head after being beaten with several bags of boulders and nails, I cried. Thats was all. No failing grades, no promiscuity, no rebellion, or social isolation that so many theorists may have predicted.
A few weeks before 8th grade graduation, I woke up one morning crying my face out. My thoughts were fast-paced and scrambled. It was the first time I realized that my father would not be present in body for any of my life's accomplishments. Questions raced through my mind like bullets. Who will walk me down the aisle? Will my children have a grandfather?
I miss my father everyday of my life. And many times I wonder if I make him proud, or if he approves of what Im doing. I hope so.


I never want to replace my father. I never, never would, even if I could.
When I finally become someone's wife, I not only marry that man, but I marry his family. Im excited about the thought of a husband and the ties that bind, but just as excited about gaining a father.
After watching Guess Who (although its not a very insightful movie), I felt a sad elation come over me. Sadness for my loss, elated about my future gain. I realized that I yearn for a father-daughter relationship. I have uncles--they have their own daughters, and thus treat me as I am: a niece. A father-in-law is different. I become someone's daughter again. Although no blood, the fatherly relationship is present. I have been without that relationship for 15 years. My children get a grandfather and reap the wisdoms of that relationship. I get a father figure (with everything that it has to offer), and a lifetime experience that I have been waiting to reconnect for several years. I believe that the most high will do this for me. I believe in the power of restoration.